I took Leila to the doctor today to get her two month shots. I clearly stated this to the receptionist when I called in the make the appointment. When I arrived however, I was told that I would have to go to the public health nurse, because they don't give shots since it makes babies hate going to the doctor. Awesome.
Leila was sleeping peacefully when we arrived, but I had to get her naked to weigh her which made her scream. Then she had a full physical exam which made her scream more. She was hungry, she was confused, and she was naked and cold. I could feel myself getting hot and anxious as she turned purple.
Then, with Leila still whimpering in my arms, the doctor listened to my heart as I had had a heart murmur in pregnancy. I no longer have a heart murmur, but after listening to it she exclaimed, "is your heart rate always so fast?" She was so concerned that she took my legendarily good blood pressure, which was also high. She ordered some tests and talked about a EKG to monitor my heart. I almost laughed in her face. It seemed so obvious to me that the reason my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof was because I am intrinsically linked to my child right now. Over the months our chemical and physical dependency on each other will wane but right now, when she's upset, I'm upset, and vice versa. At this time we are physiologically linked. I thought that after I gave birth I would go back to feeling like my old self, and I'm sure eventually I will. But right now, I am still sharing my entire self with my child, so it's not surprising really that that includes my heart.
When I got Leila to the car and nursed her, ignoring my doctors orders to go straight to the clinic downstairs for blood-work, I could feel my pulse slowing, the flush leaving my cheeks. She was calm and happy, and so was I.
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